I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
