tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
