Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I touched a dick in church today
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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