Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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