just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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