Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
