I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
