I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I would fuck him just for his dog
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
