Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
