i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
