Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
