i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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