Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dignity is for republicans.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
