she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
