Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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