My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
