first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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