mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
