so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
