my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My liver just had a heart attack.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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