Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
