Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
