Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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