Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have tasted many bathrooms
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
