My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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