I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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