every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
