You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
