My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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