No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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