Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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