I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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