My first STD was from a foam party
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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