she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
