were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
