Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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