She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
