I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
