He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How's work?
Spinning.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
