U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
