Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
