he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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