Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
