I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We are two peas in an std pod
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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