She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
