she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I party with great urgency now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
