You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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