Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
