do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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