i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
