Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
