You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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