I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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