I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
