So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night