I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done