college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dating After Heartbreak
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!