I must be too annoying 4 u.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm like, not good at living.