i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.