i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves