his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.