I need to stop coming to work sober
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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