the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
