You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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